I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be on to a conspiracy being perpetrated upon us by a well known grocery chain…Publix.
The instrument of deception - That cheery scale that stands happily at the entrance to their stores like a Buckingham Palace guard.
You see, I have been exercising furiously (well – occasionally at least) for the past month or so. Yet, when I step on the scale every Saturday during our weekly grocery run, I am seeing no drop in my weight.
Some might just pass this off as I haven’t been at it long enough, or that I really should be doing it EVERY night, or that a post-exercise victory bowl of ice cream isn’t helping. Little do those people know the depths of the deception Publix would stoop to in order to increase their profits.
I realize some of you think I’ve lost my mind, but follow me here…
Let’s just say you happen to be a bit overweight, like me for example. You step on the scale strategically placed at the entrance to the store and find out that despite your best efforts (such as for example, riding an exercise bike ALMOST every night, and limiting yourself to no more than half a pizza at a time), that you haven’t lost any weight.
Now perhaps you would think to yourself, “Damn, maybe I need to try some of that delicious low fat, no sugar, mini-portion food.” If you get sucked in by this ploy you end up spending extra money on all that “help me loose weight” stuff. (This brings up the question of why does food with less “stuff” in it cost more, but I digress…)
Through clever manipulation by some type of bio-recognition technology linked to the cash register, the scale knows if the next time you step on it whether you should have “lost” weight or not based upon the amount of that good for you stuff that you bought.
This is the only rational explanation for the fact that I have yet to lose any weight, and I’m sticking with it.
In other news, I managed to bike for 10 miles the other night. It took me just over 38 minutes. It’s actually not that bad if you are watching television and don’t focus on the timer on the bike. Well, I couldn’t actually see the timer with the plate holding my slice of pizza balanced on it, but if it works…
Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, I didn’t balance a slice of pizza on the timer – well, not this time at least.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment